Don't Stress! with Coach Samantha

Fall racing is upon us! I was originally going to write about how to handle the last long build weeks as you approach your late season A race - but instead I have been reading and thinking a lot about the effects of daily stress on exercise and wanted to share a few ideas about how to handle it as we near the remainder of the 2018 season.

It’s a double-edged sword.

While we are all excited as a big race draws near, we are also human and subject to a certain level of anxiety about the race. At times the excitement can get clouded by the stress of the race approaching.

We know that stress is not a good thing for racing and training.

And yet, many of us (myself included) can get caught up in stressing over the work that needs to get done in the weeks leading into the race and the outcome of the race.

Why is stress bad? I know you know many of the reasons, as there are a host that are bad for both mental and physical, but I want to address one very specific outcome that stress has on the endurance athlete. In a study done by the amazing Samuel Macora (if you do not know who he is, you should check out his research, he’s amazing) he found, what I believe to be the most important reason to try to mitigate as much stress as you can leading into and of course on race day - stress raises your rate of perceived exertion. Rate of perceived exertion, simply put, is the way that you feel about a given workload on a specific day. If you use metrics in your training such as heart rate, power, or pace, than you should have a solid idea about how a specific  heart rate, power effort or pace usually feels. And you should also know that there are many days, especially in the heat of summer where your zone 1 pace, might feel like your zone 3 pace. This means that your RPE is higher than it would normally be, which will alter how you feel about the work you put in and more importantly how you feel while you are doing the work. 

Why is RPE important as an endurance athlete, and in fact it might be the only thing that really matters in some ways, it is important because when you workout you are in a constant loop of feedback between your brain and your body. Think about your last workout, the loop of thinking is usually something like this, “Ok, I feel pretty good” quick glance at your watch, “Heart rate looks good too.” The feedback it then positive. One mile later on your normal hill in your neighborhood you start to feel the HR rise and by now the heat is getting to you, your RPE is up and your mind then checks in with the body. “Okay, I’m feeling it, but not as bad as x run a few weeks ago.” You know the pattern or the loop that runs in your head when you workout.

This conversation that we have about how we feel on a given day can be what makes or breaks the workout. If you run with mile splits on your watch, think about when the alert pops up with a number that somehow means it’s a good run - the feedback loop is positive. This usually results in the remaining miles being better (or perceived to be better) due simply to the positive outlook you had for the first mile. There is a host of research that would suggest that the way you felt about that first mile is why those other miles felt so effortless. 

How you feel about any given moment of any given workout matters more than your biological response to the work load in many ways.

And stress greatly affects how you feel about how you feel!

What can you do?

Obviously you can’t get rid of all of the stress in your life, but here are a few simple tips for dealing with stresses associated with racing.

The week of the race do the following:

1. Make a checklist of all of the stuff you need. There are several good ones online. Lay out all of your stuff and place it in your bag. You can even put it all on to make sure you have it all.

2. Make sure you have all the nutrition you need for the week of the race and for race day.

3. Journal - most people get stressed on race week because they are thinking about all the what-ifs of race day. However, many of those what-ifs when examined can be solved if you spend some time thinking through the solutions.

4. Write down your worst race fears and then find a solution for each one. We like our athletes to have a plan A and B.

5. Trust in your training - the work is done. Remind yourself of that when you are stressed about the race. The hay is in the barn.

Race morning:

1. Make sure that you lay all of your pre-race nutrition out the night before.

2. Make sure you have a full tank of gas in your car and you know the way to the race.

3. Allow yourself way more time than you think you will need. This is probably the most important one - rushing to the race on the morning of the race is going to set you up for a stressful race start.

4. Do what works for you to relieve stress and keep it fun. For some this is being around others. It might also be finding a quiet space alone.

5. If you travel with others to the race, know that you DO NOT have to follow their routine. As my daughter says - you do you. 

6. Get in the water to warm-up if it’s a triathlon and the race allows. Water has a way of easing stress.

7. Take a few moments to visualize your best race.

8. Finally, remember your WHY!

I will leave you with this final thought - nerves on race day mean you care. They mean you want to perform well. We tend to attach negatives to being nervous. Work to shift that mindset - it is worth the time and effort it takes. When you feel a sense of nervousness, know that you can channel that energy for your race. I have been racing for a long time and I have never stood on a starting line where I did not feel a sense of nervousness, but I also know that as soon as I hit the water or the first few steps of my run, that the nerves evaporate and the fun of racing takes over.  

ROBOT! Calm Down - with Coach Samantha

I need to start by saying that I wrote this yesterday, but life made it impossible to post until now!

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I started a whole other blog this morning, but now it is almost 2 pm where I live and I think that there might be a better blog unfolding. I think this blog might be more for me than anyone else, but I am sure that there are a few gems for all here.

Last night my daughter came down with a virus. Out of nowhere she was sneezing, her nose was running, and she was coughing. This was alternated with bouts of whimpers and tears. I work from home, and while this provides me a ton of flexibility and freedom, I also am a very rigid person, some might say robotic, and set myself a schedule each week that I adhere to, from workout times to copious lists of tasks to complete. I derive a huge amount of pleasure accomplishing and ticking off these tasks with a big check mark. I actually still handwrite said lists, as it is so much fun to write that check mark!

When my daughter started to get sick and I knew she would be home from school, I went to work on how I would deal with my lists and my workouts. If I woke up before 5 am then I would knock it all out with ease. And providing she was mostly couch bound, I could work from the computer without issue.

Alas - I did not wake up and get on my bike at 5 due to a terrible nights sleep dealing with the kiddo.

This is how I feel when I am at an Ironman and athletes are crushing it and also how I feel when I am not able to crush it. 

I did get up and start my blog and get some work done, but that was interrupted by a kid who was in need of snuggles. Snuggles are amazing, but snuggles were NOT ON MY LIST! (Clearly, I need to add them, even a robot needs some snuggles.)

NO MORE SELFIE SNUGGLES!

A few hours later and I had basically made breakfast i.e thrown a bunch of stuff in a vitamix and scarfed it down, and started a whole bunch of tasks and completed NOT ONE. My list was mocking me. And I was feeling in a funk.

RELAX ROBOT! That was my newly adopted motto.

The problem is that I can tell myself to relax, but that is hard to actually make happen. Have you ever met a robot that was just about going with the flow?

At some point in time I also checked social media and it was like every human on earth was exercising and accomplishing. I on the other hand, had done nothing …

Noon came and I was finally in a place where I knew I had to jump on my bike or I was going to meltdown like a toddler. So we dragged out all of the American Girl dolls and I said a silent mantra about letting go of organization and being a normal less robotic human. My house does not have to be ready to show at all times - right? On the bike I jumped and 15 minutes in I heard a little voice, “Mom, I’m hungry”. Okay - be calm, pause the watch, head up and make a quick PB and J - no big deal. It’s like a pit stop to refuel - right. So up we go, only to turn around to see blood squirting everywhere and a tooth dangling from my daughter's mouth which needed one last yank to be freed from its current residence. Whelp, the PB and J was out and so a new plan of soup was forged. I grabbed the broth to heat up and a pot, and when I went to the stove the burner would not light. Long story short, the gas company came over yesterday to change the meter and forgot to turn the gas back on - this however stole all the enthusiasm from the workout and I had to accept the fact that the bike was not happening. Or should I say was not happening at that moment.

This is an old pic of her first tooth, but she was not willing to let me take a new one. 

It’s 2:20 pm and here I am. I still have my bike clothes on and my bottles ready, but the bike needs to be put off for a few hours so I can work and focus on my daughter. The  window for me to get it in at that point has closed. And the question that I have is will that window re-open later today? Should I re-open the window?

Here are my thoughts as a coach:

When you are in danger of missing a workout you need to assess the reason why. While there are more than listed here - this was my run down:

1. Risk of injury

2. Illness risk

3. Ill

4. Childcare issues

5. Work obligations

6. Social of family obligations

7. Feeling super stressed from life

8. Poor planning

9. Don’t feel like it

When I ran down this list in my mind - 1-3 were not my issue. If they were, obviously I needed to not workout. 4-7 were there, but I would be able to work around them if I made sure not to fall into the trap of number 8. And so that left 9. But 9 wasn’t really the issue. I did want to workout, but I really was struggling with the fact that my workout plans were not as I wanted.

Which brings me to 10. I was being inflexible.

The robot mind was set on a specific time and the little monkey aka my kid and life were doing their all to test my ability to adapt.

I sat my robot self down on the couch with a kiddo curled up in my arms and read to her until she fell asleep and then as much as I wanted to doze off bedside her, I popped up and hopped on my bike. Before I knew it, I was done on the bike and Brynja was awake, but deep into playing and I was able to get both of my planned sessions in for the day.

Flexibility and being adaptive are essential as a mom and a long course athlete. I know this. And I’m pretty good about this on race day.

But man do I struggle with this on every day of my life. And at times to my own detriment.

Today was a poignant reminder that I do this for fun. I need to be reminded of that at times. I’m lucky to be able to move my body and workout. I am lucky to have a tiny, sweet daughter who still wants to snuggle. Both things that can get overlooked or taken for granted. When I get hyper focused on the checking of boxes and let that rule my world view than I risk stealing the joy from the movement.  And worse yet, in some cases I run the risk of missing a workout and all the growth it offers to me as a mom, coach, business owner and athlete. Oh and seriously - snuggles are never worth missing.

Athlete Spotlight - with Molly Koch

To be an Ironman is to be the ultimate badass.

Ever since I can remember, this is the story I’ve told myself.  Growing up as a competitive swimmer and runner, I admired those that could put it all together for 140.6 miles and wanted to join their company someday.

Think about it.  What other event in sports tests the body like the Ironman?  Swimming 2.4, biking 112 and running 26.2 miles over an eleven to seventeen hour span for most mortals.

I never quite envisioned I would be gnawing on this enormous elephant at the age of 36 with four little ones, their ridiculous sports schedules, and a full time job of my own.  But hey - I figured I wouldn’t be getting any younger.

So I decided to make it happen.

Maybe it’s the fact that when you are an athlete, it never leaves your blood and you miss the competition.  Or maybe it’s the fact that as moms, everything we do is about someone else.  It might even be that you thrive on setting an enormous goal and achieving it.  I think it’s safe to say that all played a part in my decision to troll the Ironman website in the fall of 2017.  

I asked my husband (Bryan) if I could pay the $700 and do it.  His immediately said, “I don’t give a shit as long as you promise me you’ll be committed.”  From that moment, he had my commitment and I had his.  If you have dreams of Ironman… take some advice here. It’s critical for your partner/spouse/family to understand the demands of training and be fully on board with the decision.   

Fast forward to early 2018 when I broke some toes when I tripped over a damn toy in the dark.  I wasn’t able to run, but tried my best to get in the pool five days a week.  I hopped on the bike here and there for 10 miles, but I was clueless as to what it really would take to train and race an Ironman.  As my toes healed, I felt like I needed some help.  If I was serious about this and really wanted to do my best, I needed a coach.  In the sport of triathlon, there is a tremendous amount of learning that happens.  Not only is your swim, bike, and run important but the gear, heart rate, training plan and nutrition needed are equally critical.  

By this time I was swimming with the Master’s Swim Team out of O’Fallon, MO two mornings before work.  I’d developed a bond with a Tori Hamill.  She had competed in a number of triathlons, knew her stuff and happened to be a Tri coach.  So that was it… I connected with Evolve, felt confident in their program, and became a study.

On June 1, 2018 shit got real.  I checked Training Peaks for the first time to see the workout plan for the week and about died.  Thank goodness for Tori and the Evolve staff because I wasn’t doing nearly enough.  I thought my 10 mile bike ride was cutting it, and then I did 50, and 100 miles.

With four kids and a full time job, I’m sometimes up at 3 am to get on the trainer in an effort to fit it all in.  I’m lucky to have the most amazing husband that steps up to help get the kids where they need to be on longer training days (I told you you’d need that support).  

Here’s the thing… we all have the same 24 hours in a day.  It’s a choice about how you wish to spend it.   I laugh when people say they don’t have time.  That’s a bullshit excuse they’ve told themselves over and over until they believe it.  Whatever your goal in life, it’s important to maintain focus to see it through.  If that means you wake up earlier or skip that happy hour after work – so be it.

I’ve trained more hours than I can count.  While it’s personally rewarding getting physically and mentally stronger – I’m most proud of what it’s doing for my kids.  They saw me struggle on the bike in my first race, and they’ve seen me work my ass off to get faster.  They understand what it means to establish a goal and work each and every day to make sure you achieve it.    The oldest girls competed in two triathlons this summer as they develop active lifestyles of their own.  

My family tends to be a bit competitive, so it’s normal for my kids to ask “did you win” after a race.  Though I won’t be crossing the finish line first this October, I will absolutely be able to say, “yes I did win!  Your mommy is an Ironman!”

How to Get the Most Out of Your Swim on Race Day

How come my open water swim times are slower than my pool times? Have you ever asked yourself this question, or suffered this on race day after practicing  ton in the pool?

There are a few things that can cause your pool times to be faster than your open water swim times.

Let’s address those first:

1. The walls - most of us swim in a 25 yard or meter pool, which means that in the course of swimming a 2000 (around the distance of a half ironman swim) we push off the wall 40 times. That push allows us to streamline and glide and more importantly reset body position and form. This alone can account for the discrepancy.

2. You need to sight when you swim in open water - picking up your head (if you lift too high) can change your body position and cause you to slow down.

3. You swim off course and add yardage.

4. You get disoriented in the water which causes you to pick up your head and sight too much.

5. You panic or have open water anxiety.

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These are the most common issues we encounter as coaches. And in some cases athletes can suffer from more than one.

So what is a triathlete to do?

a. The obvious cure is to swim in open water as much as you can. But that alone will not do it - you will need to vary your swim pace and include some race pace intervals. You should also practice swim starts and if possible passing and drafting others.

And if you cannot get in open water…

b. One trick you can use in the pool if you can get into a lane solo, is to swim around the T at the top of the lane without pushing off the wall. This will force you to create momentum without the push from the legs.

c. You should include sighting in the pool during some of your sets. This will allow you to work on breathing and body position while moving at race pace.

d. Again if you are alone in the lane, you can take a few strokes with your eyes closed and see how you tend to drift in the lane. This will bring consciousness to how you tend to swim when you think you are swimming straight. Please just be careful if hitting your head or arms on the lane lines.

e. There are several causes of disorientation - it can be due to poor goggle choice, worrying that you need to get a picture perfect view of the buoy,  or not having a clear idea of the course prior to starting the race. Make sure you have a few goggles with you on race day. We would advise that you do not worry about having a clear sight - you just need to see a glimpse of the buoy - better yet you can use large landmarks to sight off of instead if the venue has them. You should stake these out on the days prior to the race. We would also suggest that you take time prior to the race to count the buoys and study the course (Ironman does a great job of numbering their buoys and using different colors to designate the course - yellow on the first half, red at the turns, and orange on the back half).

f. This one is a tough one to cure and is very individual, but we have some tactics that we like to use with our athletes. Make sure that you get in as much open water practice as you can leading into the race in similar gear and conditions if at all possible. Arrive with plenty of time to the race site - this is a big one. If you are rushed, you will be anxious which can heighten your unease about the swim. If the race allows, you should get in and do a swim warm-up. This is essential to prevent the initial panic that can set in when people first enter the water. If you cannot get in a swim warm-up due to the venue, then a light jog or swim bands are an excellent warm-up. Just make sure that you have used the swim bands prior as a warm-up. Once in the water there are several tactics that you can put in place, one of our favorites that we often advise is counting your strokes, this can distract the mind and allows you to focus on the work. It is also helpful to break the swim up from buoy to buoy - your only goal is to get to the first buoy. Once you are there you can move to the next. Small goals can ease the overwhelming feeling of being in the open water. Also, remember that you are able to hold onto a boat or race support if needed as long as you do not make forward progress. In some cases, pausing and collecting yourself might be the best tactic to put in place.

Whether this is your first season of racing triathlon or you are a veteran, any of the above suggestions can help you to improve your swimming come race day.

Sleep Does the Body Good! with coach Samantha

Yesterday on my morning run, my running partner and I had a conversation about the trouble she was having falling asleep, then a few hours later I had a weekly call with one of my athletes and she wanted to discuss her issues with sleeping and how it was affecting her performance. And while we were chatting, another athlete started a Facebook discussion about how he has rethought his outlook on the importance of sleep and it has been a game changer. I would say that when a topic comes up three times a day, it must be one that we should tackle for others as well.

Here is the deal - there is no greater (legal) recovery tool than sleep. You sacrifice sleep - you will sacrifice your performance and you run the risk of getting ill or injured.

Here is the other deal - we live in a world where people attach value to the more you do the more you get done (I am guilty of this for sure). We pack our lives and kid’s lives and on top of that we see images on social media of people constantly on the go, swimming, biking and running all the miles.

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You cannot hack sleep. Lack of sleep will catch up with you.

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I can tell you, all high level endurance athletes are amazing sleepers and guard their sleep furiously. For professionals it is part of their job to sleep, just as much as it is to train. And yes, I know what you are thinking, well I can’t get all my training in and work and be a parent or a partner and also sleep for 8 hours a night.

I am here to tell you, that if you want to perform to the best of your ability you need to be a sleep miser, and if there is a will, there is a way.

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First things first, let’s examine where in life you are wasting time or setting yourself up to stay up too late.

Ask yourself the following:

1. How many hours of TV are you watching at night?

2. Do you have a consistent evening routine which will get you to bed on time?

3. Are  you consistent about the time that you go to bed each night?

4. Are there any extraneous commitments that you can cut out?

5. Are you working out too close to your bedtime?

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Of course we have athletes who’s jobs dictate that they have a less than desirable sleep schedule and our coaches work to create workout weeks that optimize rest when at all possible. And we would always advise that if an athlete is simply exhausted that they skip or modify a workout for the sake of rest over depleting an already taxed system.

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Sleep is essential!

But ...

What if you are getting in bed on time and yet you are unable to fall asleep - here are some suggestions that we offer to our athletes:

1. Be consistent with when you go to sleep and wake up each day (even on the weekends)

2. Remove your phone and other electronics  from your room.

3. Read before bed

4. Drink a warm cup of tea

5. Meditate

6. If you have a lot on your mind, try writing down and organizing those thoughts (this is a huge one for me)

7. Finish your last workout at least 4 hours prior to your bedtime

If you find yourself waking up in the night (I have this issue) make sure that you do not reach for your phone, instead I work on meditation techniques. If I wake up with a lot on my mind, I will write those thoughts down to get them off my mind and if I really cannot sleep, then a cup of tea and a book are my solution. 

If you do find yourself sacrificing sleep on occasion we suggest that you can get away with this for one day, but after one night of poor sleep, you will either need to modify your workout - think recovery ride or run, or you should rest instead.

Of course we will all have restless nights, but our goal with our athletes is to help them to be the best “recover-ers” that they can be and sleep is an essential tool to accomplish that goal.  

Flipping the Switch - Athlete Insight with Trish Martin

I’m in the middle of what I have designated my summer of no-excuses.  I’m 14 weeks out from my bucket list race, a full Ironman.   Last Saturday I had a sprint triathlon.   On Sunday, Samantha had me scheduled for a 2 hour long run.  Despite having a rather bruised booty from a comical fall off my bike while attempting to clip in with new bike shoes during Saturday’s race, I did my long run as prescribed by Sam.   And on Tuesday, I actually did a tempo-run workout on the track as instructed by Sam.  This probably says a great deal about how good I have historically been at following Sam’s instructions, but after Training Peaks turned green, Sam wrote in my comments: “Well there was a time in Trish land that this would not have happened – I think you should write a blog for Evolve about why the change…”  Sam’s not kidding, there was a time in Trish land where I totally would have used a bruised behind as an excuse not to run.  So how did I get here, to my summer of no-excuses?

This is my fifth season in the sport of triathlon and my third season being coached by Samantha and being a part of Evolve.  I am passionate about the sport of triathlon, but am not a gifted athlete [coach Sam who is in charge of posting this vehemently disagrees].  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE witnessing first-timers (especially women) complete their first triathlon and seeing how empowering it is for them.  For me, triathlon restores my faith in the kindness of humanity, is a stress-reliever, and is just plain fun.  My life is more joyful because of the sport of triathlon and the friendships that have grown through the sport.

Last season, I completed two 70.3 races – Wisconsin in June and North Carolina in October.  Wisconsin was a bit of a debacle.  I exceeded my expectations at North Carolina, finishing in 7 hours 59 minutes and 15 seconds and beating my goal time by 45 seconds.  I was exceptionally proud of myself after North Carolina.  I had gotten in a majority of my work outs pre-race, and worked with a nutritionist from July through October to dial in my training nutrition.  And then came the off season and self-sabotage.  I’ve been aware for at least a couple of years of my tendency to self-sabotage.  When life is going too good, I subconsciously do something to mess it up.  (If you want to read more about self-sabotage, I highly recommend the book, “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks).   Over the winter I managed to gain 20 pounds over a period of four months – all while still working out and working with a trainer.   Trust me, my 5’5” frame did not need another 20 pounds.  Self-sabotage at its finest.

By February, I started to get back on the program with respect to nutrition – working with a new nutrition coach and logging my macros faithfully in My Fitness Pal.  Over the winter, I toyed with the idea of signing up for a Full Ironman in 2019.  Sam advised that IM Florida is the race tailored to my strengths.   I thought a lot about it.   I talked about it a lot.  But I could not get myself to register.    This spring, a series of events convinced me to take the leap.   My good friend, Nikki Huss, registered.  Ironman Florida ads kept appearing in my Facebook feed announcing that the race was getting closer and closer to being sold out.  At work in April, a client decided to leave his in-house job and go to work directly for a competitor, moving a couple of cases with him.  I sent my husband a text message about it and told him I was “trying not to freak out.”  His response, “Nothing brings in new business like signing up for an Ironman.   Just saying.”   On one of our weekly bike rides, I chatted with good friend and Ironman, Carrie Tillott, and the pros and the cons of training for an Ironman.   She gave me just the advice I needed.   Essentially, life is short.   You don’t know when you are going to have another season where you have the ability to do this.  And she was right.   I had plenty of excuses (namely, I’m pretty sure an Ironman would be way easier if I weighed 125 pounds).  But I have a window this year.  My auto-immune disease continues to be under control.  Why not take advantage?   And so I leaped.  I registered for the race and spent an insane amount of money renting a condo at the finish line so I wouldn’t back out.

Here I am in the middle of my summer of no-excuses.  Right after I registered, Sam told me to make an inspiration board to remind myself of my goal.  I did, and it sits in my office at work so I see it all the time.  Carrie helped me come up with the idea of having a white board calendar at home where I write out my workouts for the week with my kids, and they mark them off when I complete them.   It gets them involved and keeps me accountable.  I get a lot of help from my friends.  I regularly ride with teammates so that I’m not tempted to skip workouts.  And my husband provides endless encouragement.  I didn’t want to do my tempo-run workout this week.  The head of my law firm had been in town for two days visiting the office I run.   I had to pick him up at 6:30 a.m. on Tuesday for a breakfast meeting with a client.  I wanted to go home and take a nap after work.  Instead, my husband went to the track with me.   And the tempo-run workout was accomplished.

Coach Sam is a huge part of my summer of no excuses.  She has had gentle and not so gentle chats and texts with me.  Two weeks ago we both did Muncie 70.3.  Long after she finished, Sam met me on the last mile of the run and we chatted.  We chatted about how the race had gone and how I was feeling about Florida.  She reminded me that Florida is not that far away, and in training for an Ironman, there is not room for skipping workouts, regardless of whether you are chasing a time goal, or just trying to finish.  And so the summer of no-excuses continues. 

I’ve discovered in all areas of my life, the best way for me to overcome my tendency to self-sabotage is to set ENORMOUS, but quantifiable and obtainable goals.   Ironman is a dream that scares me.   But with more than a little help from my friends (and coach and family), I’m not letting any excuses get in my way.

Ironman - Are You Ready for the Journey - with Coach Samantha

People often wonder what it takes to train for an Ironman. We get a lot of inquires about coaching for Ironman and the number one question that most people ask is - Do you think I can do it? For most people, they are inquiring about the physical aspect of the training, and the answer to that is yes - given the desire to train, we are all physically capable of getting to the finish line of an Ironman given enough time to develop enough durability.  Yet, as someone who had raced a few and has been coaching athletes to Ironman for years, getting to the start of an Ironman is not just about the workouts - in fact it’s arguable that is the easiest part of the process.

To be fair you cannot totally brush aside the physical needs to complete the race which consists of a 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike and a 26.2 run which all need to be completed in 17 hours (although there are some courses where the cutoff is 16 for an official time). Obviously training to complete this at any level, takes many hours in the pool, and on the road, but what most people fail to consider are the less obvious things needed for the journey.

Before you consider signing up for an Ironman, here are some of the things that might be less apparent, but need to be thoroughly addressed if you want to get to the starting line since any solid training plan is going to get you to the finish line.

The most important consideration is time. You need time to train - most of your time will be spent training. In the weeks leading up to an Ironman you should expect that there are going to be some very long days in the pool, on the bike and running. Most of your weekends (if you have a normal 9-5 job) will be consumed with a long bike and long run. What you need to consider as well is the toll that it can take on your body to be out on your bike all day and then snap right into your “regular” life - such as being a parent or a partner. I have found that if there is a will there is a way - so as long as you are willing to make sacrifices then you can make just about anything happen - you just need to plan ahead and know that you will be spending a lot of time training. You will also need to consider the amount of time that you will need for things like laundry, meal prep, and the most important thing of all - RECOVERY. This is an essential part of training for an Ironman or Half Ironman, and needs to also be provided for - sleep is the best way to recover, so sacrificing your sleep in an effort to get in a workout can happen once in a while, but it will catch up with your training and leave you in a hole too deep to dig out of.

Purpose is also right up there in terms of things you should be thinking about before you sign up - because the journey to Ironman takes so much time and sacrifice. Athletes who have a strong purpose are far more likely to wake up each day and embrace the challenge of getting their workouts completed day in and day out. The tricky part is that you will have to arrive at your purpose on your own - this is not something that you can be told by your coach or another - this has to be something that you have thought long and hard about and that will make you hungry to be consistent in your training. It will also be an important reminder when doubt, fear or exhaustion set in - you can always go back to your why and ground yourself in your desire to accomplish your goal.

Finally, I would say that you need to make sure that you have a strong support system. The best way to assure that is to be very upfront and clear with those who are close to you - you will need from time to time to make tough choices about getting to bed early, or missing an event. These things can take a toll on those whom you love, so allowing your “people” to be part of the journey and being very clear with when you will be working out is essential. You also must not lose sight on the fact that you can and should take time to take care of your family - find ways to involve them, from family recovery runs and bikes, to making sure that you thank them for the sacrifices that they have made in order for you to get to the starting line. In my experience as a coach, the things that lead to the most domestic conflict are when the partner feels like they are not a valued part of the journey - sure they may not be able to join you on your rides and runs, but there are plenty of creative ways to have them participate - maybe you would prefer to ride your bike outside, but it might make more sense to use your bike on a trainer so you can cut out wasted travel time and also use your warm-up at a time to carry on a conversation or catch-up.

Ironman is not easy - it’s why so many are drawn to the challenge. The thing that an athlete must remember when they are in the thick of training is the process needs to be the focus - not the finish line. The journey to the starting line is where you will learn your most valuable lessons, reach your highest highs and your lowest lows and in the end make crossing that line so much sweeter - so when the days are long and tiring, ground yourself with the knowledge that the grind is where we grow.

Getting Real with Ironmind .... by Coach Samantha

Everyday at Evolve our athletes spend hours engaged in movement. The physical benefits are obvious, but the greater value of these workouts reaches far beyond the cardiovascular one. Each athlete is motivated by their own personal factors, but I do think that there are some commonalities in each of us.

If I reflect back on why I started on this whole crazy endurance journey 20 years ago - initially it was because I wanted the benefits that working out gave me on a physical level, that quickly changed to a desire to challenge myself and accomplish a goal and once I ran my first marathon, I was hooked.

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That is what got me started - but that is not what has sustained me.

Sure, competing in a race is still a driving force, but for me personally, it is only a small part of the puzzle of why I get up every day and do what I do. And to be totally transparent, it is probably pretty low on the list of why I love moving each and every day.

I’m sustained and driven by:

The feeling of tired legs and burning lungs

A hot shower and post workout nap

Knowing that I have done more than most before the sun rises

The satisfaction of making the most of each and every day

Overcoming internal mental battles

The neverending lessons that come on long workouts

The promise of another chance to do it all again tomorrow

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And perhaps I would go so far as to say that I am addicted to all of the above ...

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I love all that the endurance community has offered me over nearly two decades. It has connected me and allowed me to forge relationships that would never be possible without the avenue of training and competing.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to work on a project that has lead me to think about all of the reasons why we compete - in a race and against ourselves each day. And more amazing is how my community has grown due to this adventure.

Late last year I started to coach an athlete who has been competing in triathlon for a long time, but had never been coached. His passion and drive are intoxicating and his dynamic personality made it a fun challenge as his lifestyle is not a typical one as he is the frontman of a band and spends time on the road. Right away it was obvious that we were a good coaching/athlete match - coaching is not about the workouts really - that’s a training plan - coaching is about the ability of a coach to know what the athlete needs to be successful - and each athlete offers a unique challenge that a coach needs to solve. John was no different than any of my other athletes - his past and job might be a little unusual, but like all of our athletes at Evolve he is driven to make each day count and to learn and grow through endurance sports.

After only a few months of working together - John mentioned that he had been pitching this crazy idea to Brian Rose the host and creator of London Real (John was on his show previously) and they had really hit is off and he wanted to challenge Brian to train and race a 70.3 on a vegan diet. John really said very little to me about who Brian was but a quick google search led to me to a better understanding of Brian and what I was up against as a coach. I love a challenge and could not wait to get started on getting Brian to the finish line in his first half Ironman which would double as his first triathlon ever. This was a huge undertaking as Brian was truly starting from scratch - sure he was super fit, but not an endurance athlete and we would need to help him buy all the equipment needed to train and race along with getting him physically and mentally ready for the race.

I spoke to very few people about this potential athlete - for a few reasons. One is that when I started Evolve I made a commitment that I would want all of my athletes to feel like they were my only athlete and I was worried and still worry that as Evolve grows and evolves quite frankly that something will be lost - I desperately did not want to draw attention to one athlete and certainly not in a way that would make others feel uncomfortable, or him for that matter. And the second reason is that the project would not go public for a while and I needed to keep it quiet until we got going and I met Brian and he commited.  

Each athlete offers me something new - it is what I so love about my job. They think I am helping them to achieve, but what they give me in return is far greater than anything I do for them. I love the human interaction and the problem solving. It is why I loved teaching as well. The novels I taught were the catalyst for a much larger purpose - just like the workouts I write. To be honest, some of Brian’s struggles are things that I have worked through with many of my athletes - and I was confident that I would be able to help him achieve and support him as a whole athlete.

So in February I flew to New York City to meet Brian Rose and put him through a 2 x 8 minute threshold bike test and get him started on the journey to Chattanooga 70.3 on a plant based diet. John and I had put in place a plan for me to coach him to this challenge if Brian decided to commit. I was excited and scared. I will level with you and say that I HATE BEING ON CAMERA. I hate the sound of my voice, I hate the way I look, I hate everything about it, but I knew that none of that mattered and this project had the opportunity for making an amazing impact on the lives of so many, so I needed to put all of my self-esteem BS aside and just do what I do best - coach. It was amazing how natural it was - I quickly forgot about the cameras and just was me. I had warned Brian of that - that what he would get would be authentically me and that I hoped it would not be too much.

That threshold test set the tone for what would be the start of a life changing opportunity. These tests are brutal and right away it conjured up intense emotions in Brian and I knew that he was eager to wrestle with himself in a way that only the powerful mix of sweat and tears can allow one to do.

Since working with Brian on the Ironmind project, I have loved the chance to watch Brian reveal to the world his struggles with addiction, and the struggles that he faces in training as well. Of course Brian has an amazing story, and a powerful platform to tell it, but what is most potent about this project is that he is raw in his telling and while his story is all his own, parts of it resonate with so many.

And well, working on anything with John is pretty amazing too. John and Brian are each intense in their own ways - each balance that intensity with a side that maybe most do not see, but a gentle side that has its own quiet power. Plus John rivals me in his use of the F-word  - so what’s not to love.

While the initial intention of this project was for Brian to challenge and grow - perhaps the most outstanding path this journey has taken all of us on is the exposure to so many athletes around the world. Almost every day I wake up to messages from people around the world who have been inspired.

I often think of what I do as a job as a luxury - who really needs triathlon and a triathlon coach, and yet as I continue on this journey, I have begun to see more and more that we ALL need movement - maybe not in the form of swimming, biking and running, but the medicinal benefits for mind, body and soul and the human connections are truly a necessity for a life worth living.  

This seems like the perfect place to stop ... the future is unwritten, but we all have the tools to write our own story. More amazing things to come. 

A Story I Have Never Been Brave Enough to Tell - with Coach Samantha

The truth is that I have been trying to write this damn race report for weeks and every time I sit down to do so, I just get stuck.

And the reason is that I am struggling with being brave enough to write it.

But I know that I need to - for a million different reasons.

And if nothing else, perhaps it will strike a chord with just one reader and that is reason enough for me to be fearless and honest.

So - this really has nothing to do with racing, or maybe it has everything to do with racing - you can decide that for yourself…

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On March 7th I was diagnosed with Influenza B. I had been feeling like shit for weeks - and I mean weeks, and I finally caved and got tested for the flu. The good news was that I had most likely had it for weeks and it would be over sooner- the bad news, I have never been that sick in my life. The flu is no fucking joke and every inch of my body ached and it was impossible for me to be comfortable - I was exhausted and yet could not sleep, and more than anything I am really bad at sitting still, but I had no choice other than to do so. I hardly ever watch TV - the last time I had turned the TV on was for the Superbowl, but I was sustained by watching the last season of Turn. I binge watched it to the point that I was sure that when I recovered from the flu the obvious next step was to sew myself a period piece costume to wear around the house while making kale chips all while pining for the love of a Connecticut Dragoon. For three days I COULD NOT MOVE - I drank tons of fluids and would have to coax myself off the couch to pee. It was rough. But my lungs were clear and I happen to have a personal physician who makes house calls, so he cleared me and just said - well you can race, it will hurt, but you can do it. And who knows, maybe you will get out there and you will feel super rested and it will all be okay.

At this point I had been coughing for weeks - I mean weeks and had been blowing my nose for what seemed like a decade, but my bike was already on its way to the race, I had a flight and I had committed to racing.

I knew this - I was not going to walk 13.1 miles. So I would go as far as I could run and then I would DNF if needed. I also had the option of changing to the aqua bike and doing that instead, but would not make a call until closer to race day.

I survived the weekend and was very, very slowly getting better. So I said fuck it, and boarded the plane with the intention of racing - I had my mind set on it and I was sure if I made it to the finish line then I would be able to face any struggle that came my way. I told myself get through this Samantha and you’ll emerge far grittier on the other side. Plus, I know I can handle physical pain, not to bore you with details, but 21 hours of unmedicated childbirth teaches you that you can handle some serious fucking pain. So I threw all of my tri shit in a bag, and set out to see what would happen.

The day before the race, I was still coughing and blowing my nose, but at this point it was not painful, and Dr. Moy had told me that it could take weeks for me to stop coughing and blowing my nose. Before picking up our packets, Coach Nick and I suited up for a little shakeout swim and hopped into the lake. The water was FUCKING cold and I struggled with the 10 minute swim, but of course we all feel like shit the day before a race and overthink every fucking thing we do. I had also done a shakeout run that am, where I started off really slow and then did a 5 min interval at race HR - I had not died, so I thought I would give the 70.3 a go.

I hate the day before a race - like FUCKING HATE THE SHIT OUT OF IT - but like all things this too shall pass and there was one amazing thing that happened - the final thing I did before I tucked  in for the night was to ride my bike up and down the street where I was staying just to run through the gears. I rode to the end of the block and when I got to the corner a pack of kids on their bmx bikes were rolling down the block. They looked at me and my bike and one was like whoa - that’s a cool bike and for some odd reason - or actually pretty much inline with who I am, I looked at them and yelled - let’s race. And so race we did - they rode as hard as they could down the block and for a moment I was not coughing, and the sun was warm, and I felt like I was ten and free on my bike. And I thought - this is the essence of it all - tomorrow find the joy.

And so before I knew it, it was time to head to bed and try to sleep. As had been the norm for the past month or so, as soon as my head hit the pillow, cue the cough fit. But somehow I managed to sleep so well that at 4 am I woke up in a total panic thinking I had missed the race. I guess I did want to race it after all. I went through the usual am stuff, got to the race site and got set up, did my practice swim and before I knew it, it was go time.

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I got to the front of the all female wave - it was one big wave of 85 or so women and I was right in the front. I am not the world’s best swimmer, but I can hold my own and the last thing I want to do is fight the crowd - plus I have zero fear in the water - perhaps naively so, but I have no issues with getting a little beat-up and swimming hard to start. And as always, off went the front pack and I was in limbo to swim the majority of the swim solo. I knew I was fucked with a capital F from the start. I was coughing and swimming, NOT A GOOD COMBO! But I was determined to go until I dropped dead, so I kept swimming as hard as I could. I can honestly say that I gave that swim all that I had on that day. I was gasping for air the entire time. And while it is one of my slower swims I have to be happy with the outcome.

I think I came out of the water about 8th or so, which is fine, but the issue was that I was EXHAUSTED - and for the first time in my entire racing career I was really worried that I was not going to even get off the bike. I was in and out of transition and took of on the bike like a total mess - there is a really amazing picture of me where I cannot see and my glasses are over my mouth, and I have a gel in my mouth to add to the amazingness of it all.

I quickly passed a few women and settled in to what would prove to be a very lonely ride for the next 40 or so miles. This is something that I have faced before on the bike in smaller races. My metrics on the bike were fine, my HR was where it was supposed to be and my power was perfect, but the ride went something like this, pedal, sip, cough. Not ideal, but also not the end of the world - that would come later on the run.

Now if you are reading this and I coach you, you might want to rethink that decision, as I made about a thousand rookie mistakes on race day - one of which was that I rode off course. There were two races going on at once, and so I made the error of turning onto the sprint course - I had to double back and get back on course. While this cost me less than 5 minutes, its mental cost was far greater as I spent a lot of wasted time rehashing the mistake. KNOW THY COURSE. The ride went on with no hitches after that - with a continued pattern of pedal, fuel, cough. It was a very lonely bike ride as there were a few women in front of me that I would not see until the run, and it took until mile 25 for the faster men who had gone off after me to pass me, and until 45 to get passed by the eventual second place woman. I was kind of feeling blah until that point and once she rode up I was able to maintain legal contact with her until we hit transition and she took off like a graceful antelope and I started the run - or slog - or death march - you choose your term for it.

To be clear - the first few miles were not awful. I knew however, that it had been over a month since I had run more than 8 miles and that the battle and struggle would be real. I set out on the run and had one focus - run until you literally cannot run any more. I told myself just keep your cadence up and your posture good and see what happens. This was all fine and good for the first 4 miles and then I remember thinking OH FUCK - here we go. The turn around at mile 5ish came and that’s when the first woman passed me. Ok, so rationally no big deal, I did not come here to win it - I had the flu, I came here with a revised goal of just getting it done and learning from it - right? Well sure, but at that moment it became crystal clear that the experience of getting passed was playing games with me. I will cut to the chase and tell you that I came off the bike 5th and ended up 13th overall. Getting passed by 8 women was not fun. Also not fun was the way that my body felt. I did not walk one step - for me I knew that if I took one step of walking that I was done, but I just slowed and slowed and slowed. I could not will myself to move any faster. I would tell myself, Yo! Bitch (that’s how my inner dialogue sounds, don’t ask) pick up your fucking feet. Get your head together and your body will follow. I would say things like the fastest way to the finish line is to run. Or just RUN YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE. But nothing seemed to matter and the passes just kept coming and the legs just felt awful and the sun was getting hotter and I swear they moved the stupid turn around and the cadence was just getting slower and the finish line kept getting moved and a girl passed me at the 12 mile marker and said to me - let’s do this, go with me and I said in a very loud voice in my head, you fucking bitch, do you think I am trying to suck this badly at this shit right now, you have been hunting me this entire run, I CLEARLY AM OUT OF GO - I am just in get this stupid ass race over.

At mile 13 I passed Nick and his mom and yelled to him - WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT DO THE AQUA BIKE? And then I finally made the turn to the chute and I will tell you that it was one of the most pathetic finishes ever. I WAS DONE - SO very done. I had no business doing that race. I made it out of the chute, laid in the grass and cried and laughed all at once - and realized just what a terrible idea that was. And WAY WAY WAY WAY harder than I ever imagined that it would be - I had thought it would be bad, but I had no clue of  just how brutal it really was going to be - I would never had started it, had I known.

Okay - so let’s chat for a moment about how I SHOULD feel about this race.

I overcame a huge obstacle and went on to finish what I started.

I will be grittier for it - I grew from the experience.

I was 13th OA and 2nd in my AG.

I know that there are many people who would be thrilled to have my time.

It was an important experience in that I did not shy away from a challenge.

I gave it my absolute all from start to finish.

And I’m not trying to say that I’m not grateful for all of the above. I am. My rational mind is.

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But here is what I really felt - and in a very strong way that put me in a cloud of funk for days after:

IT WAS MY SLOWEST HALF MARATHON TO DATE
IT WAS MY SECOND SLOWEST 70.3

I SUCK AT RUNNING

I HAVE NO BUSINESS RACING LET ALONE COACHING

I SUCK AT RUNNING BECAUSE I AM FAT

And yes, all of this might seem hyperbolic and even a little unhinged or harsh, but these are my emotions and they are very visceral for me and they are things that I have had to deal with for many years.

And here is where we veer from the race report…

We need to take a step back to what started this whole endurance sport thing when I was 18.

Here goes nothing-

You should envision me jumping off a cliff at this point - as this is what writing this feels like.

Stepping off cliff…

I started this whole thing because I have a terrible self esteem and cannot stand my physical appearance and so rather than engaging in unhealthy habits around eating (which I did throughout most of high school and still sometimes do) I got hooked on running. It gave me a huge emotional release and allowed me to feel in control. It made me happy and gave me confidence. Well I think it sort of gave me confidence. I guess the more I think about it, I am at my most confident when I am working out, so it gave me temporary confidence in the moment.

Once I really got into it and started to race triathlon, I think that something entirely different happened - I actually started down a whole new path where I was struggling in new and different ways with my lack of confidence.

As long as I can remember I have woken up each day and as soon as I open my eyes, I start to think about food. It sounds like what I mean is that I think about eating, but more what I mean is that I think about not eating, or eating the right things, or what I will eat that will be okay to eat. Or if I ate too much the day before or will I be good about my eating today. Or will I ever get to eat cake guilt free. I also look at myself in the mirror and think about all the things that are wrong with the way that I look and then I do this thing where I try to imagine myself as my ideal of what I think I should look like and then I think about how I look nothing like that and then I put together a plan to work harder to reach that ideal. Or I think about how I don’t work hard enough and I shouldn’t call myself a triathlete as I look nothing like one.

I have done this since I started racing and I wish I could say I no longer do this… but that’s a lie. And since the race - it’s pretty bad.

I’m embarrassed by this. I’m ashamed of it.

And I’m really, really, really good at pretending that I’m confident. So I never really have to talk about this nor do like to do so.

I know how to help my athletes with these things.

But I’m helpless in it myself.

I also know that when I started triathlon I would swim and bike at the front and then get run the fuck down. And this became a pattern that I actually started to manifest. I would joke as I passed people on the bike - oh, you’ll see me on the run. These quads can bike, but they sure as shit can’t run.

And naturally I would dread the run and naturally it was a self fulfilling prophecy and I would fall apart on the run.

This doesn’t  mean I didn’t do well in the race or even podium, but what it meant was that while I did well on paper I was constantly letting myself down and feeling shitty about my races and myself honestly. I would stand on the podium and think - well not bad for the fat chick. But I hated and still hate that fat chick. And I soooo badly want to love her.

Then in 2011 I had my daughter and I raced myself back into shape - in hindsight that was a dumb idea, but at the time it was magical. And part of what made this great was every week I would drop weight and I had an excuse as to why I was not skinny and in shape - and I would cross the line and pick her up and people would be in awe that I had such a tiny kiddo and was racing.

Yes I know that’s silly and insane - but it’s also real.

And I would like to say that at one of those races I really turned the corner due to the bike escort. Brynja was sixth months and I was racing my first open water sprint - I got out of the water third, biked myself into 1st and oddly enough they had a lead car and a lead biker. When I hopped off the bike and was picked up by the biker, I looked at him and said, well you won’t be with me long, I suck at running and I’ll get run down. I’ll never forget - he yelled up to me - stop that!!! You will win this if you have confidence and run. You’ll lose it if you think like that - so just run! And run I did and I held my lead. The important part is not that I won, but that I didn’t lose to my mind.

And that was the start of two really amazing years of racing where I would get off the bike and run motherfuckers down.

But here’s the issue - it was also the start of two of the skinniest years of my life. And I know that and I have a record of that and I can’t help but wrestle with the notion that skinny = fast and happy.

Then in 2013 I was injured in a big way and after surgery I gained weight and I have never been able to get back to my old fighting weight.

And so here we are …

And those same feelings came on like getting hit by a freight train during that race.

Let’s be for reals here - I was still hard on myself and was not totally confident in those years before surgery, but I was buoyed by the fucking number on the scale — and sadly that’s the damn truth.

So while I finished the race and placed, I spiraled into a very dark place. A place of self loathing and real sadness about the fact that I’m nearly fucking 40 and still can’t seem to figure this shit out. A sadness that I can’t just have a day in my life that I don’t think about this. And a sadness that I once again another year has gone by and I have not worked hard enough or reached my goal.

And also a real fear that I have a daughter and I’m going to fuck her up about this shit too.

But then coach Samantha pops into my head and I think to myself - maybe you need to be thankful for this battle. Maybe this is why you are who you are - maybe since you are never satisfied it makes you work harder year in and year out.

And then I think - I’m tired of this. Why can’t I love myself or see myself in another way? Why can’t I ever eat food without judgement or guilt?

I don’t know the answer - and that’s the super hard part.

But the optimist in me thinks that it’s out there and that if I keep plugging away at this that I’ll one day reach a place of peace.

And here’s where the English teacher in me knows that I need my concluding paragraph- but the problem is that there is no conclusion at this point. Hell we haven’t even got to the climax (yes, that’s an actual literary term). I think we are still working on the exposition … which at this point is rivaling Anna Karenina - but that’s where I’m at and that’s something that I have never wanted to admit to most before I was a coach, and even less so as a coach, so if nothing else - I guess that airing this publicly might just be the driving force to get me one step closer to the conclusion. So thank you for that chance ...

Race Recap - with Teresa Johnson

I have developed quite the love hate relationship with racing. When I started running and racing in 2009, I would love the feeling of completing something I had never done before and really testing myself to see how far I could go. That feeling carried me through my first half marathon, full marathon, sprint triathlon and eventually a 70.3.

But then racing got to be a little less fun. I already knew I could complete the distance, so now what did I have to focus on? A PR of course! I had the mentality that I was only getting better if my race was a PR, and if it wasn’t, I shouldn’t consider it a successful race.

What would really get to me is when I would get to the point in the race when I thought a PR wasn’t possible. I would look down at my time, see that I wasn’t on track for a PR and immediately mentally get down on myself. I would mentally talk myself into fatigue. I mean, I wasn’t going to PR, so it’s ok to walk now right?

As I look at my race medals and go through past memories, I can tell you this line of thinking literally happened during at least a dozen races, but it wasn’t a part of myself that I wanted to admit.

Coach Sam sensed this weakness and did what any good coach does. They call you out on it and tell you to stop ignoring it.  It wasn’t quite that blunt or that quick of a conversation, but a culmination of a few different conversations.

The conversation that really hit home was the week before my Go! Half Marathon. Mentally I was in a really rough place. My Dad was battling Cancer and was at the point that treatments were not going to help anymore, he was just at the point that he needed to kept on drugs to manage his pain. Because of this, I was flexing my schedule at work, working 10 hours days (many of them starting before 5am)  to be able to stay with him a couple days during the week in my hometown which is roughly an hour away. I was also traveling down on weekends as much as I could while still squeezing in my long runs. Additionally, I had developed a hip pain on my left side that would go from annoyance to very painful at any given time. I ignored it for a long time as running didn’t seem to worsen it, and I really didn’t feel like I had the time to go to a bunch of doctor’s appointments to get it taken care of.

Sam had cut down on my volume a bit and running wasn’t necessarily making my hip pain worse so we decided that I could run the half. I told Sam that even with the hip pain, I had really never felt more physically prepared for a half. My long runs I had been running plenty of double digit numbers and had really been able to pick up my pace a bit at the end.

Sam told me to focus on being calm before the race and to not go into it already setting myself up for failure. She had seen a pattern in me of freaking out a bit before a race and that would lead to me mentally falling apart.

When the morning of the race arrived, I tried my best to stay calm but as I started to feel a little rushed which caused me to be a little stressed. As I was about 5 minutes into my warm up, I spotted an Evolve jacket in the distance. It was my teammate Chris, who I qualify as a pro at racing. He was calmly walking towards the start, not rushed, and with a smile on his face. I stopped him and gave him a giant hug that lasted 5 seconds longer than it should have for someone who is not a close friend or family member. But, man that hug helped.

I finished my warm up and headed back towards the start so I could not be late getting into my corral. Of course, my concern with time was dumb, because Go (and most races) never start on time. Luckily, I had my husband next to me to keep me company and it was in this long delay that I started to have a conversation with myself.

As crazy as it sounds, you have to develop the own voice in your head for a race. Normally, mine isn’t overly confident. But today something clicked. My voice sounded something like this:

“Here’s the deal, Teresa. You are one of the strongest people mentally that you know. You know you really freaking are. Life has thrown you a lot, and the last few months have been the most stressful of your life, and you are here. You have only missed a handful of workouts despite your stress eating, crazy schedule, and living a good part of your life in the car. This race is absolutely nothing compared to what you mentally have been dealing with and you know despite your recent pain, you have never been stronger for a race. You may not PR today, and that’s ok. Your PR is on a flat as fuck course, and this one is going to be hilly and hard. So all you can do is give your best and don’t back down when it gets tough.”

Some calm hit me and I was good. My corral was released. I high five’d Jackie Joyner Kersee for some extra good juju and I was off. My first few miles felt good, and I was actually at my PR mile time for the first 5 miles. I did start noticing my pace was slowing a bit after that, but my heart rate was staying on the high end of the tempo zone, so I didn’t let that get me down like I normally would. If my heart rate was where it was supposed to be, then I was doing exactly as I should. Every so often I would check my posture and remind myself I was strong.

The next few miles were tough and I came to the realization that my PR would not be happening today. I gave myself 10 seconds to mourn the loss, then snapped back into what my goal was for the day- to run my best and not mentally let myself go.

Mile 10 came and I knew this is where my race was really beginning. I pushed myself into my threshold zone and didn’t let myself back down. I reminded myself I only had a small fraction of time left and I didn’t need to walk. I had run at this heart rate plenty of times and my body was capable.

After the nearly 1mile long finish chute, I crossed the finish line 5 minutes slower than my PR and I didn’t care. I knew without even looking at my stats that I done my best racing regardless of the time.

With everything happening with my Dad, I have been really trying to appreciate the gifts in life that we are given. It is a gift that I can race and train in the capacity that I can. I am certainly not the fastest athlete which is always a hard pill to swallow when you are surrounding by other amazing athletes. It’s one struggle that I have yet to overcome. But if I focus on that, what did I do with my gift? Did I great fully accept it and cherish it like I should have? I’d say no, and I don’t what to live my life like that. If I’ve given a gift, I should love the hell out of it.